I looked over one night at dinner and saw a sock on the table. I wasn’t sure if it was clean or dirty, but I did happen to notice it. Now, we were all at dinner, and yet none of us bothered to take the sock off of the table. It wasn’t bothering anyone or preventing us from eating, and yet a sock on the table isn’t exactly a common or acceptable occurrence. Dinner concluded, and I guess no one moved the sock because a few days after I initially noticed it, I realized it was still there. We just kept eating meals there over the next few days with just our placemats, plates, and center holder for napkins and such- and the sock. And no one said anything about the sock, and no one moved the sock. And it wasn’t like there was a random pile of items that had accumulated on the table, including the sock. It was just normal table things, and the sock. Days that went by with this sock on the table. And at some point a few days in, I glanced and noticed another sock on the table, from a different pair. I remember giving it a quick confused glance, and continuing whatever I was doing that day. Not giving it much thought, but also not bothering to move the now plural, socks. Meals have continued to take place. Conversations around the table have been had. And the now ‘socks’ still remain. Then one morning I stopped and more than just merely noticed the socks on the table because I recognized there was now a third sock. There are now THREE different socks on our table, of different varieties, belonging to multiple family members. After assuring myself that there is no way that socks have the ability to multiply themselves, I stopped to fully be present and observe these 3 socks on the table, the only items that really don’t belong on the table. I suddenly became fully aware that for what has now probably been at least a full week, we have existed and lived life, and eaten meals with these socks on the table- that I’m not even certain are clean or dirty. And not one of us has stopped to really fully recognize this oddity, to help the socks return to their right place, or have even asked each other- “Why are there socks on the table?!” And then I just laugh to myself. Because – why are there 3 different socks on the table?!?! And why are none of us moving them off of the table?!? And for the love- where are these socks coming from?!?!! And then I turned around to get my sweater, and proceeded to get my daughter out the door for a therapy appointment. Without moving the socks. And so after I got in the car to drive to her appointment, I did actually begin to think about this even more, having stopped to become more aware of this odd, creepy, humorous, and mysterious appearance of random socks. I think to myself: “When I get home I will move these socks off of the table. This is so weird. And odd, and ridiculous. I just need to move the socks! No one else seems to see the need to move the socks so I just need to do it. The socks haven’t bothered us or prevented us from living our lives, but regardless, they do not belong on the table and they probably aren’t going to find their way back to the laundry or dresser unless I go move the socks! I have to stop what I am doing, focus, and make the effort to put the socks away in their appropriate places.”
I’m sure you can think of people in your lives or that you have seen who are a human representation of random socks on the table. They aren’t super noticeable, and they aren’t bothering anyone so we continue to pass them by. Without stopping to ask them if they are lost, feeling misplaced, or lonely. They may look different or out of place but it is easier to look the other way instead of stopping to take the time to fully be present enough with them, and hear their story. Some are like clean socks – out of place but easier to just walk by, and others are like the socks that your 13 year old has worn 3 days in a row, without showering, causing a heightened level of discomfort to get close to them. Some are like socks with holes and seem useless, and subconsciously we think they aren’t worth our time. And some are so different that they don’t resemble a sock at all.
I think you see where I’m going with this. Most of us have probably had some sort of experience where we have been that “sock on the table,” attempting to exist in a world that isn’t welcoming or noticing us. Maybe you didn’t fit the unspoken mold to be able to join to cool kids at the lunch table. Maybe you are the stay at home mom that feels at times you exist solely to keep your children alive, feeling unappreciated and unseen. Perhaps you don’t have the most magnetic of personalities, or are an introvert feeling like you are living in an extrovert’s world. Or perhaps you find yourself on the outs in a world that has silently but profoundly made it easier for a white, middle class, able bodied person to live in. Feeling like a sock on the table day in and day out, waiting and longing for someone to notice your feelings of displacement and struggles to fit into a certain, unspoken, idealistic mold.
It is difficult in present days to not be consumed with politics and pandemic news. And over the last few months I’ve seen it shape my own thoughts, beliefs, and fears. And I know there are no simple answers and everyone has an opinion about everything. But I recently wondered – for those who are Christian and follow Jesus could it be just as simple as faith over fear? That in every action and reaction we stopped to ask ourselves if it is being filtered through faith or fear? And if fear is in fact our motivation in said scenario, is that what Jesus wants for us? And not to be cliche but, WWJD?? I mean honestly! We sit at home cowering at the numbers, statistics, and allowing a feeling of guilt for leaving the house just to get groceries. Or contemplating whether or not Bible study is “safe” or “reckless.” How did we get here? We are becoming consumed by this infiltrated fear so much that it is shaking our very faith we say we place our lives on. And without noticing we shrink more and more into what we allow ourselves to become paralyzed by. The what ifs or possibilities of disaster and death. Are our eyes watching the news more than the real world around us? Are we living and walking in faith and love or in fear and anxiety? I’ve found myself in the latter more times than I’d like to admit in the recent months, allowing my anxiety to take over and convince myself it’s for the safety of myself and those around me. But I’m struggling to find in scripture where we are supposed to choose safety first. And also recognizing we run in circles convincing ourselves we are being ‘safe’ whilst sacrificing our mental health and relationships with others, among other things.
There is no real way to fully control a pandemic, an invisible virus. We are being fed statements that we are keeping each other ‘safe’ by social distancing. “Stay safe, be safe, wear the mask and don’t get too close.” And, there was the announcement that we are ‘strongly encouraged’ to close churches. Setting up the church to look like the guilty, self indulging ones. Every move we make seems to revolve around ‘keeping safe.’ And while we all remain so focused on ‘staying safe,’ we have failed to see all of the ways this pandemic is affecting people. Why aren’t we hearing regular statistics on mental health and the rise in suicides since this began? Socks on the table. Why aren’t we hearing more how domestic abuse has increased dramatically? Socks on the table. And why aren’t we hearing more of the personal stories about how small business and restaurants have been forced to close forever in order for us all to ‘stay safe,’ leaving them to collect unemployment and forced to suddenly start over with their careers? More socks on the table. And, why are we not opening our eyes to see the real effects of forcing our children to ‘learn’ remotely???? Socks. On. The. Table. Not to mention the mental toll it must be taking children to follow suit in walking around in fear from an invisible threat. What are we teaching our children? What are they actually learning online? Not much. But what are they learning from the behavior of the adults during this pandemic? To run away from threats we cannot see and try to stay “safe” at almost any expense. Even the expense of our literal sanity. I cannot help but wonder how our children are non verbally processing a scenario like this when they are told to have a big faith, in a God they cannot see but who is sovereign and in control. Our children have become the ‘socks on the table’ so to speak, in that while we focus so hard on supposedly protecting ourselves, we have forgotten the impact this is having on them. The single parent families and those with both parents working canNOT be expected to adequately educate their child whilst simultaneously trying to hold down their jobs. Socks on the table. The nursing homes and assisted living facilities where the residents are not allowed any contact with people other than a nurse. They are not even allowed to eat with their friends in the facilities anymore. How could they not be dying a lonely death of extreme isolation?? Socks on the table.
There are SO many facets that are being impacted by the decisions we are making daily, and yet NONE of them fully take into consideration the extent to which ALL of the population is being affected. ‘Stay safe,’ they say. ‘We are in this together,’ they say. Tell that to my grandmother who hasn’t seen any one other than a nurse in over 8 months or the family who had someone commit suicide because of the toll it has taken on their mental health. Tell it to the business owners who just shut down forever and have no idea how they will recover or how to start over their life’s work, or to the mother of small children who is scared to leave the house because of the judgement she would surely receive for an ‘unessential’ trip to Target. And- who gets to deem what is and isn’t essential anyway?!
‘Staying safe’ isn’t working. Someone still has to sacrifice or suffer. We are currently just choosing who we are willing to sacrifice. We have allowed fear to shape our opinions and views and actions.
The more we isolate in extremes, the more inward focused we will naturally become. The more we read statistics and the more we spend our time watching the news that is still dominated with pandemic facts and statistics – those are the things that will naturally consume our minds. “Because what you give your attention to is the person you become.” (John Mark Comer, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry) Slowly we are allowing ourselves to be consumed with a thing that cannot really be controlled. We cannot see it. It is an invisible threat. And since we do not have Marvel level super powers to see the invisible, it has left us in our humanity scrambling with everything we have to try to protect ourselves from this threat. It makes me think of the powers of evil and demonic forces that also in fact exist. And the ways they use things like pandemics to invoke incoherent fear in people. Forcing us to choose what or who we are really going to put our faith in. Curt Thompson, MD wrote a blog post last year right after the pandemic began titled “Love and Lament in March Madness.” He writes: “But here is where the virus is more than a deadly infection – it is also a revelation. For our fear is far more ancient and far deeper than the fear of our physical mortality. And believe it or not, it is not mostly about a virus. Rather, the virus is shining a bright light on the heart of the matter, both interpersonally and neurobiologically, which we see more plainly when we read Jesus’ words, ‘I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do not more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after your body has been killed, has authority to throw you into hell. Yes I tell you, fear him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.’ (Luke 12:4-7)” He goes on to say, “Our brains tend to automatically pay attention to those things that frighten us. Being afraid is part of our makeup; the question is not, will we be afraid; but rather, to what will I direct my fearful attention.” And, “That’s why the good news is that Jesus’ words are not about paying attention to God or he’ll send you to hell. No, rather, pay attention to- direct the attention of your fear to- the one who has authority, the one who has authored your life.”
Did you know that “fear not” is the most used phrased in the entire Bible? In fact, 365 times throughout the scriptures that we are encouraged to ‘fear not.’ Coincidence? I don’t think so. God knew that fear would be something we would struggle with immensely as humans. The fact that he managed to tell us exactly 365 in the scriptures to not fear, is such a beautiful way of telling us that we have to remind ourselves daily, and look to him daily, because we will daily struggle with fear! This pandemic is a true test of where our faith lies, and how much control are we going to allow fear to have. It has also unfortunately highlighted the ways in which our world continues to ignore populations of people that are easiest to overlook. The ‘socks on the table’ that we walk by every day, and decisions being made without stopping to think how all people will be affected.
Levi Lusko talks about lions and lionesses in his book “Through the Eyes of a Lion: Facing Impossible Pain, Finding Incredible Power.” He explains how in the wild that it is actually the lionesses who do the killing, not the male lions. However, the male lions will let out a terrifying roar when prey is nearby, causing the prey to run in the opposite direction. But what the prey doesn’t realize is that the lioness is waiting in the opposite direction for them to run right to her where she will pounce and kill them. The prey has the natural instinct to run in terror away from the sound of the enemy’s roar. Lusko writes, “When you run from things that scare you, you move toward danger, not away from it. If you fail to face your fears, they will always be right there behind you. You must suppress that little voice inside that’s telling you to get out of Dodge. It is not your friend. when you feel that panicky fight-or-flight sensation and you want to run away, do the opposite. Run toward the roar. You have come into the kingdom for just such a time as this (Esther 4:14).”
For such a time as this. I think we have two choices currently: run in faith or run away in fear. Live in faith, or live in fear. We have seemed to come to terms with the latter being more permissible and acceptable under these extreme circumstances. We are in general giving ourselves a free pass to make all of our decisions in fear. We have decided to focus on something we cannot see, that is having a devastating affect on our world, instead of choosing to solely focus on God who we cannot see but profess to have faith in. We are nonverbally telling the world that our faith actually isn’t as big as we said it was. And that the God we follow actually isn’t the biggest and most powerful. And we have become even more apathetic to the populations of people that were already overlooked to begin with: ‘socks on the table’ that we haven’t stopped to ask why or how they got there. We just keep living to keep ourselves safe at any expense without regard to the overall impact it is having on humanity as a whole. Instead of rising up in faith and exemplifying to the world how to keep going, keep loving, and how to move toward our fears and having faith that God is still with us, we are succumbing to fear. But instead of just calling it what it is: ‘living in fear,’ we say we are ‘staying safe’ because well, it just sounds better.
Paul writes in Philippians 1:27-30, “Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents. This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but your salvation, and that from God. For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake, engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I still have.”
Why would the world be convinced that it is worth following Jesus when at the end of the day we really don’t have enough faith to conquer all of our fears? It is an optimal time to pivot. The perfect time to be the church. To love ALL people. To exemplify a faith and a trust that has no boundaries. A seemingly reckless faith in current days. Because that is what it will seem like: reckless, careless, and unsafe. Familiar words in respect to how we are supposed to not behave during a pandemic. And yet they are the very words that can be used to describe our faith, if we truly believe what we say we believe.
I don’t know about you, but I want to live in a way that sees ALL people. In an authentic faith that I wake up every day struggling to cling to in the face of fear that threatens to consume me daily. Waking up ready to fight the daily war of faith vs fear. And I want to come out victorious in faith. It’s not going to be pretty. In fact, it will often look messy and even feel unsafe at times I’m sure, but I believe that it is worth it. I have to. Because if I don’t, then what do I have to live for?
And maybe in the process, I will finally move the socks off the table to make space to have a meal with someone I wouldn’t naturally reach out to—putting us at risk. But—at risk of growing our faith and allowing God to work in the most unexpected, amazing ways. And that is a risk worth taking.
“True bravery isn’t feeling no fear—it’s being afraid and moving forward anyway.” -Levi Lusko, “Through the Eyes of a Lion”
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